Social media, at its best, allows us to share the important moments of our lives with friends, family, and acquaintances both far and near. At its worst, it can be misused in innumerable ways to make others feel badly. When single, seeing engagements, marriage, and birth announcements through social media can be bittersweet. As a single gal, I do feel happy, in a way, for others’ joy. There is something very touching and joyful about young love, and in particular, new life. In quite another way, I felt slightly bitter about it – why couldn’t it have been me? At the core, social media isn’t the problem – it’s jealousy.
There’s a two-part approach to addressing this frustration. First, really think about whom you are jealous of – do you want to be engaged to her fiancé? Do you want to be married to her husband? Do you want to have her child? As simple as these questions sound, the answer ought to be no – no, I do not want to be with him, or have his child. Recognizing this might be very easy; it’s not as difficult to say “I don’t want to marry Charlie” as to say “I’m glad they are getting married instead of me.”
To truly get to the point of saying “I am glad they are getting married instead of me,” requires much more effort on your part. The second step in addressing social media frustration is to acknowledge that so-and-so’s marriage and family is on a different road altogether than yours on your journey to God. This requires humility. Humility is an antidote to jealousy. Humility means being content and at peace with the station you have been given. Jealousy is a signal that you are not content with your station; it also signals lack of trust in God.
Conforming to the will of God in this matter will bring you peace. It will allow you to become content with the place God has given you, and then you can truly be joyful at others’ joy. As usual, that’s easier said than done, as I find to be the case in my own journey.
As tempting as it is to wish you were in Jennifer’s place or Gabby’s place or even your 19-year-old-can’t-believe-she’s-married-and-pregnant neighbor’s place, if you were actually in their places, it would inevitably lead to your ruin. One nugget of wisdom I picked up in my single years is this: “The right thing at the wrong time isn’t the right thing.”
I have felt “ready” for years to meet my husband and have his kids, but I think I am looking at it with a limited viewpoint. With my limited information, I am making the decision that I am ready for marriage and family life. God alone has the full plan, and if were able to see a fuller picture, I’m sure it would be obvious that I am not ready. I am not ready until God allows me to become ready, so that I can have a fuller, happier marriage. God may not ever give you His full plan, but the key is trusting in Him.
For now, it might be easier for you to say, “I’m glad that they are getting married instead of me because if it were me, it would be terrible for my soul!” It’s a slightly more self-centered way of looking at it. This helped me in the initial stages of overcoming my jealousy issues because it drew the focus back on myself and my own insecurities rather than lashing out in jealousy at others’ journeys to God.
Eventually, the goal is to be genuinely joyful at others’ special moments. It can also help in the initial stages to say to yourself, “I am happy because God’s will is being done.” Look to Mary, our Blessed Mother, as an example. She truly understood the meaning of “thy will be done.”
Be at peace, then, knowing that God has placed you in your particular state for a reason. He has also placed others in their states for a reason too. Though it is absolutely difficult not to feel jealous or bitter at others’ marriages or new babies, it is crucial to understand that it is not the right thing for you because it is not the right time for you. Now that I am beginning to accept that God is allowing me to be single for my own salvation, it has become much easier to experience joy with others. Be thankful, too, for your present singlehood. God is using this time to prepare you for your spouse, and you will be all the more thankful when you meet your future husband.
Single Gal Survival Skills 