Prayer works, kind of.
Prayer doesn’t always work in the way you want it to, at least. Prayer 100% works 100% of the time – but a solid part of the time it doesn’t work in the way you want it or expect it to. So, when I heard “Just pray to find a husband!”, along with 100 prayers to make it happen, I eventually started rolling my eyes and thinking, “yeah, okay, like God is seriously going to make it happen now after years of prayer.” Don’t get me wrong – it’s not like that hasn’t changed (much). The key that helped me get through it and start praying more was by becoming more in tune with God’s frequency.
Prayer is 100% effective in finding your spouse. Truly. You’ll start noticing it when you start tacking the following words to your prayer, however: “if it be according to Your divine will.” In this case, “Your divine will” means God’s will. At this point, your will and God’s will might honestly be two separate wills; if you have discerned that God’s will is for you to get married, then God’s will WILL be done! Your prayer is already answered!
That doesn’t help the frustration, though, does it? Simply hearing that your spouse is waiting for you doesn’t help much when you’re feeling alone or lonely. That’s when the real part of waiting for your spouse can be some of the most precious time you have as a single soul – you can use it to start discerning God’s will in your life. When your will and God’s will are one – as they should be – you will be content no matter what happens, as it is all within God’s will. When you pray for God’s will to be done in your life, including finding a spouse, you will be content whether or not you have found him. A little confused?
I’m not surprised. This is the most difficult part of the single journey so far. I’m certainly no master at it, and it still takes some thinking to really try to live it. In short, your goal should be to unite your will with God’s will. When you do that, you will find that you will be happy with exactly where you are and what you are doing with your life, because you have conformed to God’s will. If God wills for you to wait for your spouse further, you will will that as well. In essence, your prayers will always be answered favorably because your will will always be in line with God’s will, and God’s will always prevails.
When you conform to God’s will and give Him yourself completely – as a single, albeit frustrated or lonely young woman – He will reward you most abundantly in giving yourself to Him.
So, this really isn’t a lesson on a “sure-fire” prayer to pray in order to find your husband tomorrow. It’s more of a lifelong skill that will assist you far beyond finding your spouse – the key is that once you’ve gotten this skill down (and we can look to the saints for an example), you’ll be so much more at peace about singlehood. Tough to do, but so, so rewarding for you in the long run.
I’m still not where I want to be with this, even after hours of study and prayer. But what I can concretely offer you is that now that I have attempted to unite myself with God’s will, things have been changing. I am becoming less anxious about my future, less concerned about getting married ASAP, and less on-edge about being single. Life isn’t immediately better, but there is a marked change. This will always be a work in progress for me, but I can promise you that as a faithful, single woman, this is a lesson you’ll want to keep for the long haul.
Below I’ve listed a few books that were especially useful to me in assisting me to conform my will to God’s. I’ve also included a couple of my own prayers that I pray daily on my way to find my husband – I still pray the prayer for divine will daily as I try to grow further in uniformity with God’s will. Even if you never 100% get there, God will appreciate all that you can give to Him. Remember this, and keep God’s will in your prayers. You’ll feel the difference!
Prayer for Divine Will
God, give me the grace of abandoning my will totally to your will. May your will be done fully in me and by me. I will be at peace, no matter what happens. Amen.
Prayer to Find My Spouse
Jesus, help me find my husband. Help me to find the loving gentleman that I will marry. Help me to grow, with your grace, in humility, prudence, and temperance, until I find him. Allow my husband, too, to grow in virtue until he meets me. Help us find each other, as soon as we are able, according to your divine will. Jesus, lead me closer to my husband every day, and once we’ve met, help us to grow together as a couple and as a future family. Grant us peace until we meet, if it be in your holy will. Amen.
Recommended Books
Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence: The Secret to Peace and Happiness
Father Jean Baptiste Saint-Jure
Saint Claude de la Colombiere
ISBN: 0895552167, 1984
Uniformity with God’s Will
St. Alphonsus de Liguori
ISBN: 0895550199, 2009
How to Converse Continually and Familiarly with God
St. Alphonsus de Liguori
ISBN: 0895557975, 2009
The Gift of Oneself: Surrendering Oneself to God as a Way of Life
Father Joseph Schryvers
ISBN: 0895558335, 2008
Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence
Father Jean-Pierre de Caussade
ISBN: 1905574266, 2006
Single Gal Survival Skills 